Not in my backyard

9 Sep

‘Listen John, I have something I need to discuss. That fence from Wales, from the NATO summit, remember? Yeah, that’s right, that’s the one, 20 kilometers. Well, the guys at Major Projects don’t know what to do with it. It doesn’t fit in their storage. It’s way too long. Where in heaven’s name do you put a 20 k fence? Not in my backyard, hahahahaha! What all this has to do with you? Wait a minute John. I’ll explain. So the guys in Wales don’t really know what to do with that fence. But my wife was reading in the newspaper about Calais not knowing what to do with those migrants. Last week they had to hose them off the boat. I say, isn’t that the bloody limit? So my wife says: why don’t you give that fence to Calais? You guys get rid of the fence, and they get rid of the migrants. What do you say John? Isn’t this a bloody good plan?’

‘Minister, I have an idea I’d like to run by you. Yes, I know you you are busy. Yes, I’ll keep it short. I just spoke to John, from the Press Office. He mentioned Calais, you know, those illegals. What, I can’t say that? Very well then, migrants, as you wish Minister. But the situation is escalating out of control, in Calais. It won’t be long and Dover will be run over. Anyhow. You remember that fence, from the NATO summit? Yes, exactly, that fence. We’re kind of stuck with it. And of course we are not waiting for all those ille.. excuse me, migrants. And with everything that’s happened in Brussels lately we could use a gesture towards the French. So I was thinking..’

‘Yes, Brockenshire speaking. Put me through to John, will you? Yes, I’ll hold. John, old chap, how are you? And the kids? Listen, about that fence: let’s do it. Love the idea. You draw up a press release?’

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